The Situation
by BattleJoy W
Summary: Post SSarc. Hitsuguya's cover is nearly blown and he must enlist the help of other. Stupid parentteacher meeting. Comedy, multiple pairings hinted at


"The Situation"

Rating: The second part has enough speculation and mature jokes that I'm putting it as "Teen" rating.

Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me but sadly too many of my hours of freetime belong to it.

* * *

"Though not dire, it is a threat to our mission," Hitsugaya strained his ears against the tinny report of his cell phone. He thought coming up to the roof would give him the needed boost to reception plus some added privacy. But it was only with limited results. Then again it was hard to find a provider that reached another plane of existence.

"Well, there are those mind control devices the 12th has been working on," Vice Captain Sasakibe didn't need to go into too much detail. For all the top secrecy of the research division tried to maintain, Soul Society, as a whole, was far too talkative for its own good. Each division had its own elaborate method of information gathering. Hitsuguya's own personal intelligence agency was Matsumoto, his vice captain, who found too much delight in blurring the fine line between legitimate information and catty gossip.

The latest rumor about the 12th's research spoke of a device that was the next level of mind eraser, which could introduce a simple firm action in the victim's mind. Until now, the most sophisticated could only suggest a faint suggestion of information and even that was at times haphazard. If they did have such a full action inducing device, then it would be useful it his situation. He'd just suggest the order that the meeting needn't take place.

"According to the preliminary reports, they have nearly worked the last problems out," Commander Yamamoto's second in command continued.

"What type of problems?"

"Just minor side affects. And they haven't been tested on humans."

"Uh-huh." Hitsuguya frowned. Considering more rumors, to the 12th division, what they considered on the list of minor side effects included headache, nausea, dry mouth, loss of weight, sinus problems, and the occasional case of explosion and/or combustion. The occasional dissolving into a puddle of goo was a slight statistical anomaly but still within the realm of possibilities. It could have been Hitsuguya's position as a captain but he had always had a grudging respect for authority and due process. Risking his teacher's life on experimental technique just to maintain his mission cover was bit overkill.

Hitsuguya knew that a plain memory wipe wouldn't work. He had tried that the day before yesterday and yesterday when Ochi-sensei had originally called him in after class. He had thought the matter resolved each time as the pink puff of smoke dissipated. She didn't show up at their base of operations and didn't mention anything about wanting to see him all the next day.

Then midday today, Hitsuguya was sitting there being forced fed by Matsumoto on her lap. Privately, Hitsuguya was slightly thankful Ochi-sensei interrupted. Cornflake battered deep-fried pickles with prune dipping sauce was an acquired taste Hitsuguya never wanted to acquire. Still he didn't see why she was so insistent that he follow her that second. Red in the face, she had yanked him out of Matsumoto's arms and then dragged to him to the teacher's lounge where she informed him that she was going to meet their parents so he was to tell them that she'd be there at 7 that night.

Whatever was the reason behind the meeting, the memory eraser hadn't disrupted the root cause. In which case, erasing her memory was only postponing the inevitable because she would still notice the undisclosed problem and insist on seeing his parents the next day.

Hitsuguya wished he knew what reason it was that she felt compelled to confront his non-existent parents. It wasn't his grades since he scored high grades in most of his subjects. The exception was English, but he doesn't know why Japanese students really needed to learn a barbarian language. But considering the dismal performance of his fellow undercover shinigami, the story that their old school didn't have an English program seemed more plausible.

Furthermore, Ochi-sensei wasn't the most stellar of teachers, in Hitsuguya's opinion. She didn't seem to even mind the frequent absences his comrades. But, grudgingly, Hitsuguya admitted that might have to do with Ikkaku boorish behavior and Yumichika frequent critique on the teacher's skincare regime. No one would miss them too much. Most of the others kept their grades up so their teacher really had nothing to complain about. So why in world would he be singled out for a teacher-parent at-home meeting?

"I don't think the 12th's help would be necessary for this case," There was a distinct beep in the background. "I have another call coming in. We'll manage on this end for today. I will probably just erase her memory again. Tell Commander Yamamoto the usual report will be made this evening." Hitsuguya's thumb pressed the button to transfer to the second call, "Hitsuguya."

"Moshi Moshi," his subordinate voice replied, "That's what you're supposed to say when you answer the phone.'Moshi moshi, Matsumoto. How has your day been?' or maybe-."

"Enough," Hitsuguya cut her off. "Do you have anything to say?"

"Guess who solved our little problem," Matsumoto's throaty voice sang over the phone. "I called-" She began but rest of her sentence was cut apart by the bad reception.

"I can't hear you," Hitsuguya stated. A few attempts to have her repeat herself didn't work so Hitsuguya decided it best to cut her off and talk to her in person. "Meet you at the apartment."

Orihime's apartment was a cozy kind of cramped. The type that only heard of the open spaces and classical lines of Japanese interior design as a theoretical possibility because not much could physically fit in the box of an apartment. It would have been better designed without the cramped need to include a bedroom, a living room, a bathroom, a kitchen, and now way more people than it was made for. It was fine, since Hitsuguya and his subordinate were used to sleeping in the living room. It gave enough distance from their hosts nightly babbling during her sleep about super kangaroo rangers's battle against the Broccoli-Men from Planet Pluto.

Still, it was almost 7pm. Hitsuguya was getting a little desperate especially since he didn't have any parents to meet his teacher.

A brief while later he rounded the corner to Orihime's apartment complex. Rangiku and her massive chest leaned over the porch's banisters, as his vice captain enthusiastically waved hello while he went up the stairs.

"Masumoto," he said in way of greeting, opening up the apartment's front door before brusquely inquiring, "Where's our host?"

"'Hime-chan's with her friend Tatsuki at a movie for the evening."

"Very well what's your plan?"

"He's waiting for you in the kitchen," Matsumoto informed him, before following her leader. Hitsuguya noticed the lean frame and white hair of the man sitting at the kitchenette immediately.

"Hello Captain Hitsuguya. I heard you need assistance." Hitsuguya's fellow captain gracefully set down the cup of tea in his hands and stood from his seat at Orihime's kitchen table. Hitsuguya was a bit taken aback by the appearance of Captain Utikate of the 13th division. The older man wasn't wrapped in his normal clothing. Instead, he was dressed in the fashion of the living realm with a rather mundane button up shirt and dark slacks and socks.

"Er, yes," Hitsuguya supplied as he assessed the situation. The other captain must have had some limiters built into his gigai so it was understandable not to have sense him before actually seeing him.

"He's going to play your father for the meeting." Matsumoto explained. Hitsuguya nodded, following exactly what the plan already was. Matsumoto had chosen well. Utikate was rather handsome but had an ambiguous age and could be conceivably old enough to be Hitsuguya's father. The white hair also well matched Hitsuguya's own distinct hair color making it look like it was merely a hereditary quirk.

"Matsumoto already briefed me as to the situation and I think I'm ready." Utikate walked up to the two sixth division members. Hitsuguya was glad that Utikate seemed willing and able to help out. More importantly, he was being serious. Occasionally, Utikate would make an embarrassing fuss over Hitsuguya but he was still responsible enough to do his part when duty called.

"Thank you, Captain Utikate." Hitsuguya began. "Normally, I would be hesitant to ask for help of any kind but it is imperative to protect our cover and the alternatives seemed too disruptive."

"I understand." Utikate nodded solemnly. Hitsuguya relaxed slightly before a bright smile crossed Utikate's face as he looked at someone behind Hitsuguya, "Guess what! Get to get to call him 'son.'" Utikate gasped as the though hit him. "Or 'Shiro-Shiro-kun'. I can't believe I'm getting the chance."

"Shiro-Shiro-kun?" Hitsuguya's jaw dropped. That was almost worse than Hinamori's nickname for him.

Hitsuguya was spun to face the room's newcomers before being embraced to the older man's chest. "Don't we look so right together? Just like father and son," Utikate cooed before insisting. "Quick, take a picture. Take a picture."

Hitsuguya was blinded by the bright flash of a digital camera. When the spots cleared from his vision, he saw that Captain Shunsui and his vice captain had accompanied Utikate down from Soul Society. Like Utikate, they were in gigais and the clothes of the living with Shunsui in jeans and a pink shirt and Nanao in a tasteful skirt and blouse.

"Cool," Shunsui supplied, the case of mortal booze giving a hint of what part of the night lay in store.

He had a bad feeling about all this.

* * *

Well, here is where you insert all the usual promises, begging, and threats to garner reveiws. 


End file.
